When I was 8 or 9 I found a porn novel in my parent's library (my dad's books, he had many). I had a pretty dysfunctional, yet loving, family. How do I know if that is the case? How do I know I'm not jsut 'creating' an idea of being abused to sort of explain that I abused my brother? Sometimes I get the feeling that I was possibly abused by another child when I was younger (there is a memory on the edge of my consciousness that I am unable to grasp). I knew it was wrong at the time, so why did I do that? We get along very well - I am closer to him than any other member of my family.
I have such horrible feelings of guilt and I don't know what to do. So I took his sleeping hand, and touched myself with it. One night, I wanted to masturbate and wanted to know what it was like to have someone else masturbate me. I remember I was discovering my body, discovering masturbation. My little brother who was 6 years younger than me would also sleep in the same bed with me and my mom.
When I was 11 or 12, I used to sleep in my mom's bed when my dad was away (which was often because he worked in another city and only came home on weekends). I've never told anyone about it and am not sure how to deal with it. There is something that I did when I was younger that I feel so ashamed about.
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